Power is a fundamental aspect of human interaction, shaping our relationships, institutions, and societies. However, the concept of power is often misunderstood, leading to dynamics that can be both constructive and destructive. This blog post delves into three distinct levels of power: “power over,” “power under,” and “power with,” exploring their implications and highlighting how embracing “power with” can lead to a more equitable and harmonious world.

Power Over: The Dynamics of Control

“Power over” is perhaps the most commonly recognized form of power. It’s characterized by dominance, control, and a hierarchical structure where one individual or group exerts authority and influence over another. This dynamic often involves the ability to dictate actions, make decisions without consultation, and enforce compliance through various means, including coercion, intimidation, or the withholding of resources.

In “power over” relationships, there’s an inherent imbalance, with one party holding significantly more influence than the other. While this can sometimes be necessary in specific contexts (e.g., a parent protecting a child from harm), the potential for abuse and oppression is substantial. When “power over” is unchecked, it can lead to:

• Suppression of voices: Those with less power may feel unable to express their opinions, needs, or dissent.
• Disempowerment: Individuals or groups subjected to “power over” can lose their sense of agency and self-worth.
• Conflict and resentment: The imbalance can breed animosity and resistance, leading to ongoing tension.
• Stifled innovation: Creativity and new ideas can be suppressed when decision-making is centralized and controlled.

Examples of “power over” dynamics can be seen in authoritarian political regimes, abusive relationships, and rigid corporate structures where employee input is undervalued.

Power Under: The Experience of Disempowerment

Conversely, “power under” describes the experience of being subjected to “power over.” It’s the feeling of helplessness, vulnerability, and a lack of control over one’s circumstances. Those in a “power under” position often feel marginalized, unheard, and unable to influence outcomes that directly affect them. This is what I deal with so often as a trauma therapist. I see people who have been brutalized and disempowered in the past, and they continue to experience these feelings – which is what trauma is. It is the memory of those experiences that lives in the body. 

The consequences of “power under” can be profound, impacting an individual’s psychological well-being, sense of identity, and ability to thrive. This dynamic can manifest as:

• Passivity and compliance: Individuals may become resigned to their situation, avoiding confrontation or assertion.
• Low self-esteem: Constant disempowerment can erode confidence and lead to feelings of inadequacy.
• Burnout and apathy: A lack of agency can lead to disengagement and a loss of motivation.
• Resistance (covert or overt): While often suppressed, “power under” can eventually lead to acts of defiance or rebellion.

Societal examples include marginalized communities facing systemic discrimination, individuals in exploitative labor situations, or children who are consistently told what to do without explanation or choice. It is clear how this type of dynamic can lead to trauma. 

Power With: The Path to Collaboration and Empowerment

“Power with” represents a transformative approach to power that stands in stark contrast to the previous two. It’s based on principles of collaboration, mutual respect, shared decision-making, and collective empowerment. In “power with” dynamics, influence is distributed, and individuals or groups work together to achieve common goals, recognizing and valuing each other’s contributions.

This level of power thrives on:

• Dialogue and active listening: All voices are heard and considered, fostering a sense of inclusion.
• Shared responsibility: Decisions are made collectively, and outcomes are the result of joint effort.
• Mutual growth and learning: Individuals learn from one another, leveraging diverse perspectives and strengths.
• Collective agency: Together, participants realize their capacity to create positive change.

The true power of “power with” lies in its recognition of the interconnectedness of all beings. It acknowledges that genuine strength emerges not from dominating others, but from fostering relationships built on equality and respect. When we embrace “power with,” we unlock the potential for:

• Stronger relationships: Bonds are deepened through trust and mutual understanding.
• Innovative solutions: Diverse perspectives lead to more creative and effective problem-solving.
• Increased resilience: Collective action provides support and strength in the face of challenges.
• A more just and harmonious world: By valuing every voice and contribution, we create societies where everyone has the opportunity to flourish.

Examples of “power with” include collaborative teams, community-led initiatives, consensus-based decision-making processes, and truly equitable partnerships.

Embracing a New Paradigm of Power

Understanding the distinctions between “power over,” “power under,” and “power with” is crucial for fostering healthier relationships. While “power over” and “power under” can be destructive, “power with” offers a pathway to genuine empowerment and positive change. We can start with how we relate to ourselves. Do you bully yourself? Are you exacting and demanding of yourself in a way that is domineering or aggressive? Check in with your own relationship to power and how you treat your “less ideal” parts.

Sometimes these patterns are rooted in past experiences or unresolved wounds, which is why exploring them through trauma therapy can help you better understand and shift the way you engage with yourself and others.

Learning how to integrate and work with all of our “parts” is a wonderful analogy for being the change we want to see. Learning how to be collaborative with ourselves, and make space for all of who we are is an inner act of “power with.” If we can embrace this ideal on a personal level, we can each do our part to bring this new experience of power into the collective.