I spent today at an in-person training with Deb Dana, whose work around Polyvagal Theory and the nervous system has influenced so many therapists, myself included.
The content was wonderful, but what struck me most wasn’t just what Deb was teaching. It was having the opportunity to experience the nervous systems of the people around me while I was learning.
There were conversations at lunch, moments of shared laughter, quiet reflection, and countless subtle interactions that reminded me our nervous systems are always communicating with one another. My body wasn’t just listening to the lecture—it was participating in the learning.
As someone who is both a somatic psychotherapist and coach, that felt especially meaningful.
One thing Deb said has been echoing in my mind ever since.
“We can survive alone, but we need connection to thrive.”
That one landed.
Because I think so many of us have become really good at surviving.
We get through the day. We take care of everyone else. We meet deadlines, solve problems, push through exhaustion, and keep functioning.
But thriving?
That’s something different.
Here’s what I continue to see over and over again in my work with women: connection is only possible when our nervous system feels safe enough for it.
Not when we think we’re safe.
When our body actually believes it.
That’s an important distinction.
So often we try to solve everything cognitively. We analyze ourselves. We understand where our anxiety came from. We know why we react the way we do. We read the books, listen to the podcasts, and gain insight.
And insight absolutely matters.
But insight alone doesn’t always change how your body responds.
Your nervous system doesn’t speak in thoughts.
It speaks through sensations, impulses, tension, breath, energy, exhaustion, tears, numbness, restlessness, or that knot in your stomach you can’t quite explain. It is communicating with you all day long.
The question is…have we learned to listen?
I think many women haven’t.
Not because we’ve done anything wrong, but because we’ve spent years being rewarded for overriding ourselves.
Push through.
Don’t make anyone uncomfortable.
Be productive.
Be grateful.
Keep going.
Eventually, we get really good at ignoring the messages our body has been sending all along.
One of the things I love most about somatic therapy is that it invites us to become curious again.
Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?”
We begin asking, “What is my nervous system trying to tell me?”
That simple shift changes everything.
It’s also why I believe women’s therapy has to include the body. Our stories don’t just live in our minds. They live in our muscles, our breath, our posture, our patterns of protection, and the ways we’ve learned to move through the world.
Healing isn’t just about understanding yourself.
It’s about giving your nervous system new experiences.
Experiences of safety.
Experiences of connection.
Experiences where your body begins to realize, “Maybe I don’t have to stay on high alert anymore.”
To me, that’s where the real transformation happens.
Today reminded me why I love this work so much.
It reminded me why I became a somatic psychotherapist in the first place. It is such a privilege to sit with women as they begin reconnecting with themselves—not by trying harder or thinking differently, but by listening to the incredible wisdom their bodies have been carrying all along.
Our bodies are far more intelligent than we’ve been taught to believe. Unless we’re willing to slow down and listen to what our nervous system is communicating, we miss some of the most important information about what we need—not just to survive, but to truly thrive.
If you’re looking for women’s therapy that goes beyond talking and helps you understand your nervous system through a somatic approach, I’d love to support you. As a somatic psychotherapist, I help women navigating anxiety, burnout, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and chronic stress reconnect with themselves by helping their bodies experience safety, connection, and lasting change.
